some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
