its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
