so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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