And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
