My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
