There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
