after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Your shirt... Was in my pants
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
