my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
