so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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