He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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