i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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