they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
