my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
PANTIES FOUND
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