I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
pop tarts are not kleenex
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
