Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
