My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
lets start a swedish sibling band together
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize