girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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