He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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