You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
