I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
