SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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