I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I smell stomach acid.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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