What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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