well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
