My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
