did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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