she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize