i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
