just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I would ride that face into the sunset
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
