i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
