umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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