So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
