I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
