Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
