and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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