i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
