Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
