The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm sobbing to NWA
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
