i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
