Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
