I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Randomize
