he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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