Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
