Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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