He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
