umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
