so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
