hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
