Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
