Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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