I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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