i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Actions speak louder than pants.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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