respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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