Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
