I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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