Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
