The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize