all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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