The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
