If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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