How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
