I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
