it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize