he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
