she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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