I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
No subtext here. People are naked.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
