My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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