omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
