OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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