toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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