i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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