hell yes lets make some ravioli
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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