the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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