This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
