Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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