And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
