We named our party play list daddy issues
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
