All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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