I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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