the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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