dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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