I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
