I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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