I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
