Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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