I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
