R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
