I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
