Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
