Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
