You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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