I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
